Hey, Adora
by Doublepasse
Summary: Hey Adora, It's been a while hasn't it? Do you remember the first time we met? If there's such a thing as love at first sight, then it wasn't what I felt when you flashed your blue eyes over mine.
1. Hey, Adora

Hey Adora,  
It's been a while hasn't it?  
You haven't changed much  
Still working out,  
Still being yourself, strong and so self-confident.

Hey Adora,  
I know it's a poker face,  
I know deep down, you doubted, deep down you questioned yourself.  
But it's all cleared out now,  
You can shine as bright as your heart does.

Hey Adora,  
I've been good on my own,  
I've lived for myself, I've made some friends, I've achieved some goals.  
Not the ones I pictured a few years ago,  
But you're familiar with change of plans too, aren't you?

To be honest Adora,  
I didn't think we'd change so much,  
I didn't think we'd change that way.  
It's like I'm living a different life,  
Or more like I've been hiding from myself all these years.

Hey Adora,  
Do you remember the first day we met?  
If there's such a thing as love at first sight, then it wasn't what I felt when you flashed your blue eyes over mine.  
In fact, I don't even recall a first glance. I don't remember a first word.  
Our bond was much stronger than that.

It's true Adora,  
Our connection built itself, our friendship grew over time.  
You became the one I felt most comfortable around, the presence I searched for in a new place, the gaze that made me relax in a group of people.  
Before I knew what was happening,  
You became the person I longed for.

I didn't want to love you Adora,  
To be fair, I didn't want to love girls in the first place.  
I fought it alright, I brushed it off whenever I checked you out, I've always been good at denying truths.  
But I couldn't chase from my mind that drunken night when you sat on my lap, and all I wanted to do was kiss you everywhere.  
I got smitten, I got confused, I got lost on you.

Hey Adora,  
I don't think you fully realize how awful it was,  
To fall in love with your straight best friend, and see her kiss boys at parties, when all you really wanted was to be the one in her arms,  
And then beating yourself up for feeling this sinful desires,  
Because you weren't ready to accept them yet.

But hey Adora,  
It got better over time didn't it?  
I learned to like myself the way I was, I finally met with peace the part of me that I had forced in the darkness of my subconscious for years.  
I even accepted that you'd never be more than my best friend, and I was fine with that.  
Until you came out as well.

Oh Adora,  
Have you ever been burnt by that desperate flame of hope raging in your heart?  
Have you ever heard that delusional voice whispering that maybe after all, your feelings could meet a match?  
The straight best friend I'd fallen in love with was not so straight after all.  
It was like waking up in a Netflix show full of queer princesses, right?

But life is not that simple, is it Adora?  
You were just as lost as I'd been, discovering that new side of you, making sense of your past, testing yourself with pretty girls around you…  
I could wait, I could hope, there was nothing wrong with that.  
What was wrong with dreaming that you might like me the way I did?  
You did look like you enjoyed it when we kissed.

But why Adora?  
Why did you kiss me right after telling me you never saw me like that?  
Why did you flirt with me after seeing me cry for you, wasted at another plastered party?  
Why did you feel the need to tell me about your secret fling with Scorpia that lasted so long it might have started before I even came out to you?  
Why did it suddenly feel like I never really knew you?

I fought myself Adora,  
I tried to be strong, I tried to detach myself, I promise.  
But it seems I could only stare at the moth burning its wings, never really trying to extinguish the flame.  
We kept pulling each other in that confusing world of desire, stretching the line of our friendship until it broke.  
At least, it broke for me.

Once again Adora,  
I denied that new truth.  
Craving so hard something I could never reach, I kept hurting myself in your arms.  
It takes two persons to make that kind of mistake, you told me.  
How many mistakes did it take for you to realize you'd never love me?

Hey Adora,  
It sounds like I blame you, but I really don't.  
I was weak, you were confused.  
You knew I liked you, and you liked me too somehow.  
Just not the way you thought it could be.

We had history Adora,  
Even if our embraces ended a while ago,  
Our friendship had to be preserved.  
That's what we told each other,  
After you announced me you fell in love with another one.

Hey Adora  
I think it's time to stop.  
We took some distance for the sake of our friendship,  
And I thought I could move past this.  
I promise I did try my best.

Don't be sad, Adora.  
You have your girlfriend now.  
You have another life, new friends and new goals.  
I have to keep going too, I can't live in our past,  
I can't let the remnant of our broken friendship imprison my heart in a vain cage of hope.

We have to let go Adora,  
For the sake of both of us,  
For the serenity of our minds and our hearts.

Adora,  
We won't see each other anymore, w e won't talk anymore,  
Because it has become too much for me.

But don't worry Adora,  
I'll always love you somehow,  
Even if it's a memory of you.

Goodbye Adora,  
You know I'll miss you.

Catra.


	2. It's raining, Princess

It's raining, Princess,  
And I keep thinking of you.

I used to feel warm by your side on rainy days,  
Cosy in your arms, watching the world fall apart from the rooftops of the Fright Zone.

We could spend hours together in silence, holding hands,  
Embracing the comforting sound of the droplets on the pipes.

Storm and chaos raging outside,  
Just like it was inside the treacherous walls of our only home.

Never breaking us.  
Never putting us down.

It's raining again, Princess,  
But this time my body is cold without your warmth.

Who would have thought such a storm was lying dormant between us,  
Only stifled by the love we gave each other and lost when you let go of my hand?

The storm danced in my heart and the fog draped over my mind.  
It drained my hopes, my dreams. It perverted my love, it consumed me.

Nothing mattered but destroying everything you cared for.  
Only your demise would calm the tempest in my chest.

It left me exhausted,  
Hurt and angry.

Now it's just raining, Adora.  
It's not brutal anymore. It's not messy.

It's plain, simple and peaceful.  
Also a little sad, I guess.

It's cooling off the lava in my veins.  
It's smoothing the spikes of my anger.

The sound is appeasing me.  
It's the only thing I can hear.

It reminds me of simpler times,  
When I could smother the resentment with love for you and hopes for the future.

Those good times when you used to warm my hands.  
Like what you're trying to do right now.

It's not working though, is it, Adora?  
I didn't think you would try, after everything I've done to you.

Your blue eyes are shining under the dark grey sky.  
You've always been pretty, Adora, even when you're sad.

It's raining, Princess,  
But I can't even feel the raindrops on my skin anymore.

I don't even know if it's not just your tears pouring over my face,  
And if the sound of the rain isn't a figment of my imagination.

Maybe you're not even here, Adora.  
Maybe all of this is just a sign of my brain trying to find solace before I go.

The irony of me leaving you behind forever would make me chuckle,  
But I don't have enough strength left in me to do that.

My strength was all for the storm.  
Maybe I should have used it for something else, something positive and constructive.

I guess it's too late now.  
Even for your healing powers.

She-Ra's sword in my stomach prevents your power form working.  
Or maybe you can't save me, because I don't want you to.

I told you many times, Adora,  
I don't want your help.

I don't want to join your Rebellion.  
I don't want to see you on the other side of the battlefield either.

I'm tired, Adora.  
The storm has calmed down, and I just want to sleep now.

I know you're still fighting for me.  
But there is no future for us anymore, Princess.

Our future was over there, on Hordak's throne, ruling Etheria together.  
Our future got torn apart by your sword of justice, just like it did to my body during the battle.

This one was an accident, but the rest was all your fault, Princess.

I wasn't enough for you to leave the Horde before, was I?  
You chose them over me. You chose Etheria over us.

How could you expect me to follow you?  
How couldn't you see how heartbroken I was?

Maybe I acted out of spite.  
Maybe I could have eased the storm earlier.

You did try your best to make it up to me, Adora,  
I'll give you that.

It's raining, Princess,  
And none of this matters anymore.

Don't worry, soon the sunny days will follow.  
And with them, my peace and your sorrow.

It won't last forever though.  
You will move on, you will be happy.

Savior of Etheria who got rid of the Horde,  
You will be celebrated for the next centuries by people you don't even know.

Stop crying, Princess, you finally got what you wanted.  
I won't be a threat to any of your friends anymore.

I'll just be a painful memory, in the back of your mind  
For a little while, until it fades away.

You will forget about me.  
You will forget about the storm.

Or maybe you'll remember the warmth of our younger days.  
Maybe you'll remember the rain dropping on the pipes of our first home.

You'll remember the longing between us,  
The hugs and forbidden caresses.

I just hope you won't remember how cold my lips are right now.

The rain stops.  
I'm hopping off of that crashing skiff for good.

I'm done fighting you, Adora.  
I'm done feeding the storm.

You won, and I get to leave you this time.

I guess we're even, right, Princess?

(I love you, too.)


	3. Fading Away

**In which Catra doesn't realize her feelings in season 5.**

**TW : this is sad. Like REAL sad.**

* * *

Fading Away

It often comes out of nowhere.  
Life is busy, I think of nothing.  
I do my job, I joke with friends.

Then I see your face.

It's still the same after all these years.  
Long golden hair, shining eyes and that smile I'd die for.  
I see your face and it hits me, Adora.

I loved you.

Isn't it funny how long it took me to understand?  
I came to terms with my feelings for girls a while ago.  
But you? Nah, you were just my friend.

An old friend I still keep vivid memories of.

I was like Etheria's moons, rotating around you.  
Never leaving your sides.  
Fascinated by the light you emitted.

Never daring to reach out.

I didn't even realize it after your betrayal.  
My heart was a mess of rage and pain.  
I was brokenhearted, Adora.

I still didn't know by then.

We became enemies.  
That part was my doing, I'll have to admit.  
I was too stubborn to try to understand you.

If you knew how much I regret now.

Today, I sat on the toilet seat after washing my hair.  
I felt a pull in my chest.  
I closed my eyes, and I thought of you.

I saw your face again.

It feels like decades since I last saw it.  
It also feels like yesterday since you tried to knock some sense into me.  
Shake it up, Catra.

Don't dwell on the past when your life is ahead of you.

Easy for you to say, Adora.  
I'm the one who had to keep on living without you.  
I'm the one who had to watch you leave once again.

Forever this time.

I should have stopped you from that insane sacrifice.  
I should have tried more.  
I should have…

I should have told you I loved you.

If only I knew it back then.  
Maybe that would have been enough.  
Maybe that wouldn't.

Even if it wasn't mutual, I still wish I'd said it.

It isn't fair, Adora.  
If I could trade my life for yours right now, I'd do it in a heartbeat.  
Scorpia says it's not healthy to think like this.

I can't help it.

The ghost of your memory is clinging to me.  
Every time I feel bad, I lay down and feel you next to me.  
Every time I pray for help, I think of you, still looking out for me from up there.

My guardian angel.

I hope you can hear my regrets somehow.  
I hope you can feel how sorry I am.  
I hope you can forgive me for loving you too much.

I have to believe you can.

Someday I'll go visit your grave, I promise.  
I haven't found the courage yet.  
I haven't felt like I was allowed to either.

But I have to, before your face fades away.

Before I finally let go of you,

My Adora.

* * *

**I'm sorry, I guess. **

**I needed this out of my chest.**


End file.
